Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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