Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
