Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Randomize
