I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
