so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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