i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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