I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
