How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
