her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
people are starting to question the shark bite story
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
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