Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
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