I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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