I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
