Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
i think we sleep fucked last night...
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
