My underwear smells like fireworks.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
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