we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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