I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
