I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
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