The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
