i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
