my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
