Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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