Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
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Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
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Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
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