I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Dicks are not precious.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
