I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
