DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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