Your tits are I can't wait for
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Ketchup is God's man juice
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
