Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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