ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
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