Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize