you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
