Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
