ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
My dad just said "fuck circus"
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
