i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I lost the right to judge tonight
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Why are your pants in the freezer?
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
