i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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