no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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