OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
