So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
