the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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