Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
that is very illegal...i love you.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
