i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
