Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
