Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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