its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Dick very happy bro
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
