I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
