Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
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