In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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