My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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