Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
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