There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize
