I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Randomize
