dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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