apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
