i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
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