There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I think I am morally bankrupt
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Randomize
