If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
