there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
