Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
