This is not my ceiling
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
