did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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